I'm sad--Karajan isn't even angry; When he's angry I know he loves me, and that time I really really I deserved it! Now he takes me down to his basement. Down in his basement is where he ties me up. He takes his time with it and uses lots and lots of rope. I know he enjoys it, though he pretends not to, and it makes me feel super special. Like I’m his little bird, or his angel, that he doesn’t want to let go of.He prepares a serum and sticks a needle in my arm that I know will make me sleepy. Then he puts on nice music for me to listen to that helps me calm down. Ballet or opera music. Then he checks all of my knots to make sure all my nerves will be okay and not be pinched overnight. Then he puts a blanket over me and makes sure it's tight over my neck.I sleep better at Karajan's than anywhere else in the world. I don’t have to look at my phone or know what time it is or have any distractions from the prison of my own consciousness. “Night night,” he says when he’s all. The first thing I think we should talk about is getting a place together. Somewhere closer to London to make your commute easier.”“What about your work?”“We can talk about all of this later, but I can drive longer. Up to an hour’s not the end of the world. Point in question, I’m not asking you to marry me now or before you start your LPC. You have become the centre of my world and I want to keep you there, to share my world with me and I want to share your world with you.”Nicola held my eyes for a moment before she spoke, “Shall we go back in?”That was it, no hint, fully in control. This was a change I had seen over her three years at Cambridge, when she wanted to, she could now not give any hint as to what was going on in her head. Over the years I learnt that she did have tells but it would be a long time before I beat her at cards.It was that classic feeling that somebody had been talking about us when we returned, only it was many somebodies. The room fell silent and I swear I.
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